Mutant Kids N Crazy Countrys
by bluebacon
Summary: Maximum Ride and the Flock meet the Hetalia cast. Set just after Final Warning. Rated T because of France and his perverted thoughts. And cuz of some swearing. Fax, Eggy, Akotal (Akila,Total) No flames plz!
1. Chapter 1

Max's POV

We were in Dr. Martinez -aka Mom- 's house, stuffing our faces with warm chocolate chip cookies. God, I love those things. And yes, for once we weren't on the run, or being experimented on or being hunted by huge wolf dudes called Erasers. And Flyboys. It actually felt kind of strange to be able to stay in a house for a long time and not get attacked by someone who wants you dead. Yah, it's kind of sad. And when I say we, I mean me and my merry band of mutant flying bird-kids.

"So, Max," my Mom started. I turned to her, my mouth full of cookie deliciousness.

"Ya, Mom?" I replied, spewing out crumbs. And for all you people out there who are all about manners and stuff...let's just say I'm not a very lady-like girl.

"Well, remember how you went to a conference in the Capitol Building?" she asked. Oh boy, do I. When those government snobs wanted to use me and my Flock for their own selfish purposes, and even had the nerve to say it was _educational_ and that we were _completely safe._ What a load of bull. That'll happen when Angel acts like a normal six year old. We are NEVER completely safe and as most of you know, me and education go together like pinecones and honey.

"What about it?" I sighed.

"Oh, I remember that! TOTAL DISASTER! **(A/N Total's ears perked at that) **Lol, Max like, blew them off all the way to the moon! But, like, they offered us a home and food, oh Gawd your food is delicious Mrs. Martinez, and like you were all 'No way, hosE' and they were all 'Yes way' and you said-" Just as Nudge was about to finish her blabbing, Iggy clamped his hand over her mouth, thank God.

"Nudge my ears are bleeding!" he frowned. The Flock and I call Nudge 'The Nudge Channel'; all Nudge, all the time. Partially because of her motor-mouth. Wait, scratch that, 100% because of her motor-mouth.

"Ahem, we thought that it'd be best if you could go to another conference, except this time it's a world conference, with leaders from all across the globe. Well, most of the leaders. But just to socialize, make new alliances," Mom explained, giving me a small smile. Everyone stared at her and the room went quiet for a long time. Even Nudge, whose mouth was still covered by Iggy's hand.

"What do you mean 'we'?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Er, Jeb, the members of The International Earth Science Foundation and I, Max," she said a bit quietly. Oh great, scientist Brigid Dwyer, helped decide this for us...that Fang stealer. What a flirt! And_ JEB_? What was Dr. Martinez thinking, asking Jeb?! Well, she still trusts that douche.

"Whadoyousay, Flock? Fang?" I said, turning to face my family. They stared back at me, at my disapproving expression. Total was the first to speak up, who was keeping to himself as he downed roasted chicken and gave Akila bambi eyes. (Ella gave Akila dog food.)

"Sure, if they have good food this time," he grinned, showing doggy teeth splattered with chicken skin here and there. Yuck.

"Max, I think we should go," Angel chirped, looking at me innocently. But trust me, she's not as innocent as you think. _Hey!_ Angel! Get out of my head! Did I mention the mind reading part?

"I'm going where Angel's going!" Gazzy yapped, just as he let out a loud toot.

"Oh GOD, Gazzy! That's DISGUSTING!" Nudge complained, pinching her nose. Everyone waved the air to try and get ride of the smell, even me. Man, that stinks! Well, that's why he's called the Gasman, you know!

"Um, Max, btw, I'm in but I really doubt this conference is going to go well," Nudge informed, through her plugged nose. Gee, thanks Nudge.

"Max..." Fang started but was interrupted by none other than Iggy.

"Nice Gaz! Stink up the whole house!"

"Ig, that's NOT funny!" I glared. "You interrupted Fang."

"Ooooooh! Fang, I LOVE you, baby! Please **BEEP **me tonight~!" Gazzy mocked perfectly in my voice. Iggy laughed like hell.

"GAZZY! Don't say that word! It's NOT APPROPIATE for a 8 year old to say **BEEP**!" I yelled, putting my hands on my hips. Wooo! One point for Max the Mom!

"Well it's not appropriate for a 14-year-old girl to say that word either!" Iggy retorted. Mom sighed and put a hand on her head. Yeah, bird-kids can cause alot of stress.

"Oh and I think we should go and see those world leader dudes. Might give us a few tips on making bombs," he finished.

"There's no way in hell you're asking important world leaders how to make freaking BOMBS! They'll think we're terrorists or somethin'!" I replied. Damn, Iggy and his bombs! You would think a blind guy could just sit around quietly and read brail all day. Clearly, not Iggy. And even if he was to read something (or rather listen to it on his Ipod), it would probably be some extremely bloody, gory book that would make me want to puke!

"Max!" Fang finnally talked. I looked at him. His eyes clearly said: 'I don't trust this conference thing.' I stared him down for a long time.

"Fine. Majority rules," I gave in. Sorry Fang, but Flock comes first, true love second. Everyone cheered, except for Fang of course.

"Okay kids! Let's get going!" Dr. Martinez exclaimed. Even she was happy. Ah well.

Turns out the world conference meeting was in Germany. I'll say this now, we had some pretty bad experiences in Germany. Itex, Ari dyeing, crazy Director (ahemDictacterahem) ladies, that superboy whats-his-name, DUNGEONS, ter Borch, and some sprinkles on top. Well, not really the sprinkles part but that would've been nice. After a LONG flight on a plane,(Yes a PLANE, when we have perfectly good wings!) we arrived at some guy's fortress. I think his name was Ludwig or something. So we barged in, went to the conference room and ya. So here we are, sitting at a long table, all nice and quiet, waiting for the leaders to show.

"So, Max, I want you to remember that the people we're seeing are VERY IMPORTANT, so no smart comebacks or anything, okay?" Angel said, breaking the silence. I was about to say 'Don't order me around!' when yet again, a certain blind guy interrupted me.

"Hah! That'll be the day, when Max doesn't sass back! She couldn't keep quiet even if her life depended on it!" Iggy snickered. I glared at him. But then stupidly realized that he can't see.

"Iggy, I'm glaring at you," I stated.

"Aren't you guys hungry? I'm starved! Bird dog's gotta eat to ya know!" Total complained.

"Hey, Dr. Martinez, can we get some grub? It's been kinda 8 or 9 hours since we last ate!" Gazzy asked.

"Yah, I'm soooooooooooo hungry too, like Total! I could really go for a milkshake or burger or something! I could, like, eat a COW I'm so hungry! Do they have any McD's around here in Germany? I sure hope they do! If they do could you order me some of those McHeartAttack things? Like, three of them? Oh, and the fried pies! God, they are delicious! Like-" Nudge started but was cut off by Fang. Everyone sighed in relief.

"Can I have wurst*? That's sold in Germany, right?" Fang said calmly.

"Er, yes it is served in Germany, Fang. And I think they have McDonalds in Germany...but I'm not sure. I'll get you guys some food, and after seeing how much you eat, I have a good idea on what to get," Mom answered, as she gave us a small chuckle and headed for the door.

"If the world leaders come, mind your manners!" she reminded and closed the door behind her.

"Okay guys, just in case if they're evil leaders, do and U and A and break that expensive-looking glass window, got it?" I ordered. We go over this each and every time we're someplace we don't know, check the possible escape routes, look for weapons, that kind of stuff. I know, we're paranoid like that.

"Got it, Cap'n!" Gazzy and Iggy chorused, giving me a solder salute.

"Oh, and Angel? No funny business with the president dudes, dictators and stuff that come in. Kapeesh?" I declared staring into Angel's baby blue eyes.

"Of course, Max," Angel smiled, as she batted her eyelashes. Man, she really does look like an angel!

"Good, because I don't want a law around the world saying that there's a free kitten day or something!" She smiled again, this time more mischievously, and I was beginning to question her listening skills.

Just then, the door burst open. We all looked up almost immediately.

"Ah, Mr. Batchelder, was it? Thank you for leading us here. We really appreciate it since Germa- er, Mr. Ludwig is in the loo," heavily british accent said. Wait a sec, Batchelder?! That's Jeb's last name!

Eigth men entered the conference room. And, yes, Jeb was with them, much to my disappointment. We studied their faces- they didn't look like Erasers or Flyboys (even if they are extinct, you can never know.)

There was a blonde with the bushiest eyebrows imaginable, another blonde stuffing his face with a burger (Nudge's tummy grumbled at the sight of him), a brunette with a curl sticking out of his head who looked like he was away with the fairies, a Japanese guy that had weird looking black hair, a pale blonde with slightly curly hair-(Wait, was he fading?!), a man with grey-pale brown hair who had the creepiest smile on his face, a Asian dude with a ponytail (Yuck!), and a French guy who wore a ridiculous bright blue cape.

We all got our glare-faces on. Angel, who was sitting beside me, nudged my arm. I still stared straight ahead, glaring like hell at the newcomers.

"Max!" she hissed. Wow, Angel hissing?! That's something new!

"What?" I said, in a annoyed tone.

"These people are CRAZY! They're _insane_, Max! They keep thinking about how they're nations or country's! Don't even get me started on that French guy! He's thinking things that I can't even say thanks to my virgin mouth!" I stared at her. Okay, so these people are complete nutjobs? And if that Frenchie tries anything...he'll find himself eating dirt!

_Max, these people really are country's. Not nutjobs._ Oh great. Hey Voice! Long time no annoy!

_They are a part of the bigger picture. These people could be the ones who help you save the world. It would be good to have them at your side, Max. _Yah, yah, yah. Sure Voice.

_I'm serious, Max! You need to make a good impression on them because right now, they're your only hope! If you make them your enemy, the world will end faster than you can say: "Oops." _Voice. You crazy thing, you. I waited for some haiku comeback, but no. The Voice shut up after that. So, now, let's see how long it'll take to piss of these so-called 'country's'.

**PLEASE REVEIW!**

*wurst is a type of German sassauge.


	2. Chapter 2

_"_Max! OMG, like, get a look at these guys! They are SMOKIN' HOT! Like, I'm BURNING here!" Nudge harshly whispered at me. I rolled my eyes.

"Nudge, we got more important things to do than look at adult men," I said. Man, that girl is boy-crazy!

"Adult men?! You make them sound like ugly old grandpa's! These guys are like, teens!" she went on.

"Ya, and they're twice your age!" I countered. She shut up after that. But while we were blabbing, the world leaders took a seat around the other half of the table. Jeb was about to sit at the empty chair beside me.

"Uh, no way," I confirmed, pushing the chair in. Jeb looked at me sadly.

"That's reserved for Fang. HEY FANG!" I yelled. Fang, who was across from me, got up and stalked towards us. He completely ignored Jeb (that's my boy!) and sat down. Jeb was left to stand. Heh, he deserves it.

The world leaders stared at me. Like the way Total stares at Akila. Like the way stalkers stare at victims. It was creeping me out, I can tell you that. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and made the mistake of looking at Angel, who now had a sickly sweet smile on her face.

"So, Max, I'd like to introduce you to-" Jeb started but was cut off by a buff dude who slammed the doors open with a loud BANG! The Flock and I jumped at that, especially Iggy. He stomped his way over to Fang's old seat, he literally SHOOK THE FREAKING GROUND along the way!

"SO!" he boomed. "Let us get the meeting started!" Mr. Muscle-man over here had a heavy German accent, which reminded me of ter Borch. I shivered at the memory.

"Um, what are your names?" the british-eyebrows asked. I gave him the 'Are you serious?!' look.

"What are YOUR names," I replied, crossing my skinny arms. Looks like sassy Max is back. Actually, sassy Max came in the second Jeb walked in. You can thank him for that.

"Well, I'm Arthur Kirkland," Arther said, slightly surprised at my reaction to his comment.

"ALFRED THE HERO!" burger guy cried out, pumping a fist into the air.

"Honda Kuku. Preased to meet you."

"Vee~I am FELI!"

"Ludvig."

"Yao aru!"

"Francis, zhyou beautiful ladiez," Francis cooed, as he pulled out a rose. Nudge, who was right beside him, squealed and happily took it. That flirt. It'll be quite a shock when he discovers that she's only 11.

"Ivan, da?"

"M-Matthew..." someone barely whispered.

"Now you vill tell us your names," Steroids said. What? Don't look at me like that! Ludwig looks like he took steroids, what can I say?

"Okay..." I sighed.

"I'm Brittany Spears," I stated, giving in.

"Harry Potter," said Iggy with a fake british accent.

"Tiffany-Krystal! But you sexy men can call me Tiff!" Nudge exclaimed.

"Ariel, pleasure to meet you," Angel smiled. The leaders 'awwed'.

"G.I Joe, The Real American Hero~!" Gazzy yelled, in the G.I Joe theme song voice, jumping on top of his chair.

"..." Fang stayed quiet.

"Vhats his name?" Steroids inquired, again.

"...-"

"Darth Vader!" Iggy chirped. Fang gave him a death glare.

Awkward silence...

"I like your names~ I like pasta too!" Feli randomly said. The leaders all ignored him except for Steroids who pinched his shoulder, as if to say Shut up!

"Uh, most of your names belong to famous Americans..." Alfred said sheepishly, as he stuffed a burger into his mouth.

"Got a problem with it?" I said, just as he let out a loud burp. I grimaced. Does that guy even have manners?! Well, I may sound like a hypocrite right now because we sure as heck don't have manners, but this guy is an adult man!

"If I was you, I would tell you your real names before I decide to smash your head with my pipe..da?" Ivan threatened, a weird smile on his face. Did I just hear what I think I did?! Did this guy just THREATEN me?! Ooh boy, he chose to mess with the wrong bird-girl!

"If I was you, I would shut the frick up before I decide to smash YOUR head with my FISTS!" I hissed, as I stood up.

"Da? Let's see you try!" Man! That guy really pisses me off! Does he want to get killed?!

"Hey! Both of you, stop NOW!" Angel commanded. Everyone stared at her in shock. Except for the Flock, of course. We're already used to her non-6-year-old-ness.

"Aww, I was going to give them candy aru~"

"Wow! That was so BADASS!" Alfred yelled.

"Yes, that was the first time I ever saw someone stand up to Ivan..." Honda nodded.

"How old are you guys?" Alfred continued, leaning in.

"Oh, we're 70 years old," I replied sarcastically. I mean, seriously, these crazies think that they can ask us stuff and believe we'll tell?! No WAY!

"Really?" Alfred and this Yao guy exclaimed.

"No, you idiot!" I narrowed my eyes.

"Max!" Jeb cut in. He turned to the leaders.

"So sorry about the children, Alfred."

"CHILDREN?!" the leaders all exclaimed.

"Yes, children. Their ages are 14, 11, 8 and 6," Jeb stated. The Flock and I stared at him. Okay, I'm officially mad now.

"Who died and made you king?! I'M the leader! I tell them what I want to tell, and NO ONE stops me, unless they want their asses kicked! You can't just go around revealing all our personal stuff! Not anymore anyway! You freaking LEFT us and BETRAYED us! You lying, evil, weasely-!"

"MAX!" Angel yelled. I stopped ranting about all the bad things Jeb is and turned to her. _Please don't embarass Jeb here, Max. You and I know he's a brilliant man._ Angel went into my mind. Again. We both know, Ange, that he's a melicous scientist. _Max, please-_ Angel started, but the Italian dude started bawling like a baby and cut her off.

"L-ludwig, she's like a mini Romano!" Feli cried, as he hid behind Steroids. Romano? What the heck is that?!

"You're getting carried away!" Angel finished. _We'll discuss Jeb later, Max._ Okay, Angel is officially becoming creepier than usual.

"Yeah, Max. You're scaring the poor filthy rich men," Iggy grinned.

"Poor filthy rich SEXY men!" Nudge added, looking straight at Francis.

"Sorry guys. I just can't stand Jeb," I sighed, turning to the Flock, completly ignoring the leaders.

"Psst! Hey, Max!" Gazzy whispered.

"Hmm?" I said, turning to him.

"Can me and Ig bomb the place?" he smirked.

"NO!"

"So, you guys are country's, right?" Total said. Angel patted his head not-so-innocently.

Did she take over the poor dog's mind and tell all that info we've been discussing?!

"I'm hungry, when is Dr. Martinez coming back?!" Total interrupted my thought session. The leaders all widened their eyes in shock at either our little talking Scottie annoyance, or us knowing about them being country's. Well, more like just me, Angel and now Total knowing.

"Wait, COUNTRY'S?! Max, what's going on?!" The Flock said. I sighed. This is gonna take a while to explain...

**REVEIW!**


	3. Chapter 3

**So sorry guys that I took so long! ;-; I was really busy with school stuff...THANK YOU TO ALL THAT REVEIWED! Well, to the story! :D WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS REALLY WEIRD.**

"HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?! THAT IS CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION!" yelled out Ludwig. I let out a long sigh.

"Ask _her_," I said, pointing to Angel. The world leaders/countries/men-freaking-out looked bewildered at the demon child beside me.

"Max, it's not nice to point fingers you know," Angel replied, trying to change the subject, that little...

". . ."

"Vee~ Let'a me talk'a to the _bambina_," smiled the Italian. He skipped over to Angel and kneeled so he could be face-to-face with her.

"Hello! Can you'a tell Mister Vargas how'a you know we are'a country's?" asked Feli gently.

"No, sorry I can't. But Romano wants to remind you that he's going out to buy tomatoes with Spain so he won't be home until around six-thirtyish," Angel stated. Okay, I am happy that she didn't give away anything, but she knows better than to snoop in people's freaking minds! God, Angel, give the man some privacy!

Feli's eyes widened to the size of plates.

"Angel, Angel, Angel. Being creepy as usual," Iggy said as Feli scrambled over to where Steroids was.

"THAT'S IT! THEY KNOW TOO MUCH!" shouted Ludwig.

In a matter of seconds, he grabbed Angel and tossed her into a black bag while Angel screamed like hell. I ran over, punched, kicked, did what every pissed off Max would do. Fang flanked me, while Iggy and Gazzy ran around screeching cuss words like some sailors. Nudge kneed the Chinese guy in the stomach. Total bit every World Leader in sight. (Jeb was hiding in corner somewhere.) It was utter chaos. While fighting, I saw from the corner of my eye that Honda was swiftly stuffing bird-kids into bags. Fang sprinted after him. I lunged for Steroids and tackled him to the floor.

"Don't. You. DARE. Touch. Angel!" I yelled, punching is face with each word. (Which, mind you, hurt ALOT. What is this guy made of?! Rocks?!) Well, I gave him three more punches after, until someone knocked me out with something that felt oddly like a pipe.

* * *

"Max! Max wake up!" I cracked me eyes open to see Angel leaning over me. We were in a jail cell. A one-room one. Just Angel, Fang and I. I bolted up from the dirty stone floor I was lying on.

"Angel! Where's Gazzy, Nudge and Iggy?!" I asked, now wide awake.

"I don't know," she answered. Suddenly, I felt a burst of rage as I ran towards the jail door and pounded my fists on it.

"OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR NOW!" I screamed. I beat the door for a long time, yelling swear words at it and my knuckles were starting to bleed.

I heard footsteps walk by outside.

"What's the magic'a word?" asked a extremely annoying Italian voice.

"I SWEAR, IF YOU DON'T OPEN THE-"

"I'a won't open the door'a until you'a say the magic'a word~!" taunted Feli. I was practically steaming! This guy really gets on my nerves! God! I didn't think there was a person in the world more annoying than the Gaz and Ig combo! This guy tops the list!

_Calm down, Max. Breathe in and out._ Oh whoop-di-doo. My Voice is back.

"Can you please open the door, Mr. Vargas? With pasta on top?" Angel tried. A click was heard and the cell slowly opened. Feli was standing there, a stupid smile on his face.

I immediantly sprinted out.

"ANGEL! FANG! LET'S GO!" I yelled.

". . . No, Max. We're just going to get caught and locked up. Plus, Fang is sleeping and I can't carry him," Angel said in her sweet voice.

Just then, something grabbed my arms and pinned them behind my back. I struggled, but it was no use. Who ever it was, they was pretty strong!

"I wourdn't escape if I were you. Prussia's on the loose. Not to mention France..." said a Japanese accented voice from behind me. He half dragged, half escorted me back to Feli and Angel.

"Well, since'a Germany's out'a right now...LET'S'a MAKE SOME PASTA~!" he said happily. I groaned.

* * *

**Meanwhile in the Allies's meeting room; somewhere in London, England...**

**(Oh, and so you aren't very confused, the other 3 bird kids plus a dog were kidnapped by the Allies)**

"Zomg, and like can we meet 1D? They are like soooooo hawt! Harry Styles is cute but Louis, geez, he kills!" Nudge blabbed. _  
_

"I know, right?" France interrupted. Nudge stared at him in shock for a whole ten minutes.

"Oh, um...okay," she said nervously before she started to chat about useless fashion stuff.

"I hate these...bread things! It's like someone took a shit and baked it!" Iggy complained.

"I so agree! Man, those are gross! Like, what are they even called?!" America nodded.

"I don't even wanna know," Iggy answered.

"Argh! They're called _scones_ you twats!" fumed England, who was sitting in a chair, rubbing his forehead. (He was getting a MASSIVE headache.)

"Hey guys, look at me!" yelled Gazzy randomly as he jumped on top of a table. (England mentally screamed because Gaz's shoes were getting mud all over his expensive tablecloth.)

"Pip-pip cheerio everyone! I am British! You hear me? I AM BRITEEESH!" Gazzy shouted in a ridiculous, exaggerated imitation of England.

"BWAHAHA! Good one!" America laughed.

"That is NOT funny!" glared England.

"Yes it iz," smirked France.

"NO. IT. ISN'T." England said dangerously.

"Ohonhonhon, zhou wanna go?" France said, pissed off.

"Bloody hell, shut up Francois," England replied. Quick as a flash, France jumped on top of England and started to...um, rape him.

"C-can you stop...p-please..?-" Canada said in a very quiet voice. As always, no one payed any attention to him.

"Can't you two stop fighting for five minutes?!" China interrupted Canada, saying the exact same thing he said.

"I want Akila..." complained Total.

"Is it just me, or did that dog...talk?" England said awkwardly.

"...okay, next am I going to be seeing flying mint bunnies or something?! I can't believe this! I'm becoming as crazy as England!" America and France stated, surprised at the fact that they were hearing a dog talk. The Flock members were already used to it.

"Da? Okay, bye," said Russia. Apparantly, he's been on his phone the whole time.

"Russia?" China said.

"Ukraine said zat Belarus knew I was here for some reason and is coming. I better go, unless you all want to meet her," Russia frowned. It was such a pain to have a little sister who stalks you every damn day.

"Er, you can go, Ivan," England grimaced.

"Bye Ivan! We can become one another time!" Nudge called.

"Er, I think you're a little too young to 'become one' with him," Iggy pointed out.

"What about me?" France pouted.

"NO WAY YOU OLD FART!" Iggy protested. England smirked as France sulked in a corner. Even though the kids were bloody annoying, they impressed him in a way.

**I'M HAPPY WHEN PEOPLE REVEIW! **


End file.
